To Love Yourself

By Blue Waters Publications

Nov

4

It’s only a thought

And a thought can be changed

Anonymous

Today I would like to pick up on a theme we touched on briefly in my last post: that of our bodies and minds believing what we say when we talk to ourselves. Many of us are especially critical of our bodies and our appearance. We could lose or gain a few pounds or perhaps our teeth aren’t perfect or our hair is getting gray. But we become our own worst enemies when we criticize and berate ourselves because what we think and believe about who we are determines how we look and feel. What I am going to say may sound a bit far-fetched but it is backed by solid science, so please bear with me.

Our thoughts and beliefs create energy, which influences matter. After all, matter, at its most basic level, is energy. These are core principles of quantum physics, which is the study of the building blocks of the entire universe.

Our bodies are made up of organs, tissue and bone, which are composed, as we all know, of cells.  Cells are made up of molecules which are composed of atoms and atoms are, in turn, made up of sub-atomic particles as electrons and the like. These particles are simply energy, which exists as a wave, until you observe or notice it. It then becomes a particle until you cease to observe it, and it becomes a wave again.

It is, therefore, your observation, or your attention or intention, that creates what you see around you. Our consciousness is involved in the creation of everything we observe. If you can manage to affirm yourself, including who you are and how you look right now, then further beauty will come to you far more quickly. But if you can’t genuinely love and appreciate yourself as you are, you will still make progress if you “fake it ‘til you make it.”

Rather than berating ourselves for being overweight or out of shape or growing older, if we can love ourselves just as we are, we will, in turn, create more beauty and health by our very thoughts. Using affirmations and telling yourself “I love and appreciate you just as you are” will likely create wonderful results in both your mind and body. Just as a contrary statement will likely cause further damage.

Even if you find the science of this process difficult to believe and hard to accept, what do you have to lose? Except, maybe, a few minutes saying something nice to yourself! And who couldn’t use one extra compliment every day?

The Importance of Affirming Ourselves

By Blue Waters Publications

Oct

21

When a man finds no peace within himself

it is useless to seek it elsewhere.

L. A. Rouchefolicould

Many of us get into relationships with people we believe will complete us, because we feel inadequate, incomplete or alone. Yet once the newness wears off, we find we are still incomplete, inadequate and alone. This is because no one can complete us; we must complete ourselves.

However, when we are feeling this way, it is an indication that we have some work to do. It may be our self-esteem that needs work. Or perhaps our childhood has left us feeling incapable and inadequate. Whatever the reason, some work with affirmations can do the trick.

Many of us are not kind when we talk to ourselves. And we all talk to ourselves. We inwardly exclaim, “What an idiot you are!” or we ask “How could you be so stupid?” when we make a mistake. Our bodies and our minds truly believe everything we say when we talk to ourselves. We can either choose to change this, by working with affirmations to treat ourselves more gently, or we can beat ourselves into the ground and become our own worst enemy.

Affirmations are nothing more than simple positive statements that we say as if we already believed they were true. Some more common examples are:

“I am whole and complete in myself.”

“I am completely adequate for all situations.”

“I now have a perfect, satisfying and well paying job.”

“I love and appreciate myself just as I am.”

The most typical manner of using affirmations is simply to read them to yourself as often as it occurs to you. A more effective method involves choosing 2-3 affirmations and making a plan to read each 3 times over, 3 times a day.  Write them on a card and keep cards in several easily accessible places: in your purse, inside the bathroom medicine cabinet, on your desk at work, etc.

Also, though it feels awkward at first, it is more effective if you read them out loud to yourself, while looking at yourself in a mirror. Trust me, you CAN get used to doing this. Everyone feels awkward at first. But it quadruples the effect of the affirmations, as you are reading them, saying them, hearing them and seeing yourself say them. It’s worth the extra effort.

Be religious about doing them regularly. The more consistent you can be, the greater the effect you will notice. Though you might feel at first like the skit on Saturday Night Live that we have all seen, you should find yourself starting to feel more positive, optimistic and creative after about two weeks of regular practice. And it’s a far easier task to change and improve yourself than looking for a partner who can complete the parts of yourself you are not happy with.

The best affirmations are not those you may read in books or blog posts, but ones you create yourself, in your own words. Try to come up with these simple positive statements on your own but if you cannot, find yourself a good resource for affirmations and re-write several so they are stated in words you would use. One good resource is “Creative Visualization” by Shakti Gawain (Bantam, 1978). While this is an older book, it is an excellent resource for affirmation work.

Once you have chosen your statements, make your plan for how and when you will do them. My strong recommendation is to follow the process described above. As far as timing, whatever works with your schedule and is easy for you to remember is best: breakfast, lunch, dinner and morning, noon, night, are three popular examples for timing. Then, as Nike says, “Just do it!” After all, you’re worth it!

Don’t Take Anything Personally

By Blue Waters Publications

Jul

7

The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.

Don’t take anything personally.

William James

I wanted to revisit the topic we discussed in March when we used Eleanor Roosevelt’s “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” quote and explored the issue of self-esteem. Often things people do or say to us will cause us to question our values, our skills, our choices. This can be a good thing, in that we can emerge with greater confidence and clarity of our goals.

However, if it halts our progress and immobilizes us in the pursuit of these goals, it is not helpful and can, in fact, be quite harmful to us. At those times, we must practice William James’ idea of overlooking the comment. We can listen to it for a moment, hold it up to the light of day to see if it carries any weight for us and, if not, toss it aside like so much garbage so that we can move on.

Many, if not most, of the comments people make to us and about us are not about us at all, but about them. For example, your co-worker comes into work and does not respond to your cheerful “Hello!” You ask yourself, “Is she upset with me?” “Did I do something to offend her?” “Why isn’t she speaking to me?” Nine times out of ten what you will find when you explore the situation further is that she either didn’t hear you, she is thinking about the work she has for that day or perhaps, she had an argument with her partner and is focused on that. Much of the time it will have nothing to do with you.

Yet our temptation is to personalize everything. So you may spend the next few hours wondering what you did. Later that day you may work up a considerable amount of frustration, hurt or anger at her for being upset (you assume) with you. When she finally does acknowledge you, you may snap at her, thus creating the very conflict you were afraid was there. You will also have spent a considerable amount of time and energy ruminating about the issue. What a waste.

Let’s assume the positive! Because in most cases, the behavior of another has nothing to do with us, when we are tempted to personalize something, just let it go. Tell yourself, “This is not about me,” “She probably just has something else on her mind” or “Maybe she didn’t hear me” and go on with your day. Your mood and self-esteem will remain more positive and you will avoid creating the conflict by your own actions and assumptions. Remain confident and give yourself the gift of peace; rather than the torment of insecurity.