Goodbye Blue Waters Family Counseling…

By Blue Waters Publications

May

10

The former Blue Waters Family Counseling, 2215 Washington Street, Manitowoc, WI

And so it begins…

Blue Waters Family Counseling held its final Peaceful Alternatives to Family Violence Group on April 24th and its final individual session on April 30th. Since that time we have been busy packing up the records and receipts that we must keep locked away in the basement of our cabin in the northwoods for the next few years.

Today, we took yet another step:
Much of the furniture has been moved out of the building by this evening. It has been dispersed to deserved and deserving individuals who were in need of it. There are still a few pieces left, but most is gone. Not everything went as planned, but we must remember:

“We cannot control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.”

There has been much “adjusting” going on in our lives of late.  And I am sure there is more to come…

Keep reading in the upcoming weeks and months as I will be sharing our progress (or lack thereof) and our adventures on our big move with all of you. Hopefully it will be entertaining for you; I know it will be good to have a place to vent!

The Search for Serenity

By Blue Waters Publications

Nov

5

Serenity in modern society is elusive and difficult to find. Whenever possible, Terry and I look to spend special times in wild places to achieve a bit of peace. Please enjoy this post I wrote for the Woodalls RV and Camping Blog as it is the closest I have been to that serenity in quite a while. It has been a busy fall. Enjoy!

http://blog.woodalls.com/2011/10/a-hike-on-a-sea-of-gold/

And remember to pray for serenity. For a slightly new and updated variation of the Serenity Prayer, here is one I’ve heard recently:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know…IT IS ME!

Because in truth, the only person we can change is ourselves!

Wishing you Peace…

The Road Not Taken

By Blue Waters Publications

Dec

2

Failure is simply the chance to begin again,

this time intelligently.

Henry Ford

The quote above is significant for several reasons. Few people remember that Ford declared bankruptcy twice before successfully developing the horseless carriage. And he is by no means alone in his experiences with failure.

Many don’t know that Walt Disney went bankrupt five times before creating Disneyland. Most people are not aware that Thomas Edison failed over 10,000 times before successfully inventing the light bulb. The difference between these successful people and many of us who become disheartened by seeming defeat is attitude. When asked about his failure, Edison responded,

“I didn’t fail 9,999 times;

I succeeded 9,999 times in learning how NOT to make a light bulb!”

In an earlier post, we looked at a quote by an anonymous author that states, “One who makes no mistakes, never makes anything.” We are picking up on that theme again today. True, if we don’t try anything that is frightening and takes courage, we will never be disappointed. But years from now, when we look back, we may regret choices we made and yearn for the road not taken. Take the advice of Mark Twain,

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Don’t take the chance of regret. Take the road you are drawn to, even if it involves a measure of risk. Remember, as Michelangelo said,

“The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it,

but that it is too low and we reach it.”

And know that, while failure is possible, you can choose to see it NOT as a mistake, but as producing another piece of information for you to work with. If you are inventing, a failure means you have learned what will NOT work and can try another idea. If you are in a relationship that is ending, cherish the happy times, positive memories and special closeness you and this person once shared. Your life is richer for having known him or her. If your job is ending, appreciate the opportunity to strike out in another direction; perhaps to try something you would never have thought possible or had the courage to try before…as well as the opportunity to leave a job you had become dependent on because of the income it provided. You have been freed from the burden of making the choice and granted a new opportunity.

I once worked with a client who was afforded this opportunity. She was fearful of leaving a job she hated and to which she had to drag herself each morning, because she depended on the income and was too intimidated to walk away from a sure-thing in an uncertain economy. She was terminated due to a reorganization in the company and blossomed with the experience, creating a much more fulfilling life for herself in a new position.

So set your sights high, take chances. When things don’t go as planned, pick yourself up and start anew. You are in good company. Avoid being the person looking back regretting the choices not taken. Do not be a casualty of a life you have failed to live. Instead,

“Go confidently in the direction of your dream,

Live the life you’ve imagined.”

Henry David Thoreau

The Art of Being Mindful

By Blue Waters Publications

Aug

26

“Between stimulus and response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”

~ Victor Frankl

The quality of being “mindful” is defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary as “Having in mind; aware, heedful or careful” (Simon & Schuster,  1991).  “Mindfulness” can be described as being completely in touch with and aware of the present moment. Another component in common definitions of mindfulness is that of simply accepting what is; taking a non-evaluative and non-judgmental approach to your inner experience. Simply view it with openness and curiosity. Therefore, a mindful approach to your inner self might simply be viewing thoughts as thoughts, nothing more; neither judging nor evaluating them. Just accepting them and letting them pass on by.

Practicing mindfulness is one effective way to manage stress.  It helps you to let go of all the busyness of your daily existence and simply clear your mind. Very similar to meditation, the practice will leave you feeling refreshed and relaxed, even on the heels of a stressful day.

To practice mindfulness, find yourself a quiet place where you will not be interrupted or disturbed. Settle yourself in a sitting position and clear your mind. Focus only on the present moment with your open and curious mind. If you find it difficult to clear your head, concentrate on your breathing, counting the breaths if you need to, to maintain your focus. Once you reach a count of ten, you can either start over or count backwards to one.

It can also be helpful to read over a quotation such as the one stated above as you begin your practice. Once you have chosen a quote, read it over twice to let the words really settle into your mind. Bring your mind back if it wanders into daily events.

Pay attention to your body. Notice how each part of your body is feeling but do not label or interpret the sensations. Simply accept them. For example, if you are outside, feel the breeze on your face and notice the color of the wildflowers in the meadow. Involve all of your senses in this awareness: Sight, smell, sound, touch, taste.

Practice mindfulness regularly. The more you do it, the more you benefit from it. Get in the habit of practicing often. You need not be sitting still to be mindful. This is an exercise you can do when you are walking, driving or exercising. You should find yourself feeling more at relaxed and contented if you regularly make time to be mindful. Wishing you peace…

I Choose Peace

By Blue Waters Publications

Apr

22

No person, place or thing can irritate or annoy me.

Today I choose peace.

Affirmation

Listening to people talk about negative emotions is instructive. Most often, they fail to take responsibility for their feelings. Train yourself to listen for comments such as, “He made me so mad!” and “She really annoyed me!” from yourself and from others. It may be easier for us to deny responsibility for our difficult emotions and find someone to blame them on. But it is disempowering! Don’t give your power away!

Think about it. When we absolve ourselves of any responsibility for our upsetness, we also give away our ability to rid ourselves of that state. Our calm and peace is then also in someone else’s hands. Take back your power and take charge of your emotions.

As we discussed before, when we get upset about something, it means something in our past, some wound in our psyche has been triggered. If we can identify what it is, we have the power to change it. We can identify that we are jealous because a former partner cheated on us making us insecure in a new relationship. We can then reassure ourselves that we have no reason to mistrust our new partner and we need to work on learning to relax into the relationship. It would also be helpful to talk with your new partner about these insecurities and where they come from and to acknowledge that this is an issue you, personally, need to work on. These are positive steps you can take to change your situation.

If, on the other hand, you blame your partner for wanting to spend time with friends on a given evening, rather than with you, which triggered your insecurity in the first place, you lose the opportunity to grow in the face of change. If that process continues, the relationship will probably either end or be a miserable experience, because your partner will either cheat (because you assume s/he will anyway) or leave (because s/he gets tired of being unjustly accused). In either case, you give up your power if you fail to take responsibility for your emotions.

It can be helpful to make some change in this area by using affirmations like the one at the beginning of this entry. Repeating to yourself the simple statement above, can help to soothe and reassure you, even in the face of an upsetting situation. The power is in your hands:

Choose Peace!

The Importance of Being Positive!

By Blue Waters Publications

Mar

24

Salt Lake

The state of your life

is nothing more than a reflection of

your state of mind.

Anonymous

This is a quote that I like to share with the groups that we do at Blue Waters. My preference is to write a new quote up on the grease board in the group room every week or two. While we don’t specifically discuss these quotes in most cases, sometimes they are “on point” with a topic we are tackling in the curriculum of the group and do get mentioned.

Even if they are not discussed, however, group members tend to read the quotations and ponder them (especially when bored with in group, which I hope doesn’t happen too often!). I believe this provides them with new ways to look at life and the people around them.

This is the quote I put on the board yesterday. In reflecting on it, it is easy to see how it is true. Several weeks ago we were discussing how we are all responsible for our own emotions. If we feel something, it is because our self-talk has created or manufactured that reality for us. We permit ourselves to get angry or frustrated or, to the contrary, happy and excited about our circumstances.

Therefore, when your life isn’t going the way you would hope, if it feels like you are living in a desolate wasteland, remember to look inside and investigate what you are telling yourself to create your misery or unhappiness. While the temptation is to look outward, that provides no opportunity for growth or change; nor does it solve your unhappiness. Look to yourself and change what isn’t working. Develop a positive state of mind for yourself and create the life that you want! The world is your oyster—make the most of it!

When God Closes a Door…

By Blue Waters Publications

Mar

12

Giant Sequoias

Life is Change;

Growth is Optional

Anonymous

Some years ago, I had this sign hanging on the wall of my office. It was there to remind me that change is to be expected as I am someone who tends to struggle with the unknown. Over the years, I have been working to accept change as a normal part of life; to prepare for it, expect it to happen and embrace it. As a therapist, I have seen the pain and destruction that can happen when one tries to resist change, hanging on to the past with full force, or fighting inevitable change, kicking and screaming every step of the way.

One of the reasons we fight change is that most of us feel out of control when things are unpredictable. We take great comfort in our stability; when we can predict what will happen next and in what order. However, this can cause us to become complacent, lethargic and unproductive. While we are all aware that too much stress in one’s life is a problem few people realize that too little stress is just as damaging as too much. If we are not challenged, we become bored and unproductive; not living up to our potential; not living the fulfilled lives we are meant to lead. Some change is healthy—and necessary.

Seek to embrace the changes you are facing in your life. Look forward to them; involve yourself in learning about new avenues open to you. Become consciously involved in charting your course; choosing the new direction open to you. If your job is ending, rather than simply looking for a new position in the same field, think about what you would like to do with your time. Consider taking a class or seeking additional training if it is a new field for you.

If you feel you have outgrown a relationship, or if a partner feels s/he has outgrown you, ask yourself what choices you have now that were not open to you when you were involved with that person. Perhaps your partner did not like your friends, so your time with them was limited. Perhaps he resented the time you spent at your favorite hobby so you had to limit your pleasurable pursuits. Maybe she wanted to live in a particular location that did not especially appeal to you; now you can choose a home that you prefer.

Remember, when God closes a door, he opens a window. But it is up to us to allow the window to remain open, rather than nailing it shut in an attempt to keep our lives the same. Throw your windows open wide and embrace your new life! Rejoice!