May

12

The next step in our big move is picking up the kids from Drake University in Des Moines, IA and bringing just about everything from their dorm rooms home with us. We leave Manitowoc before the sun rises at 4:27 am on Friday, May 11th. I’m excited to see them and have them home with us, but, gosh, it’s tired out! We arrive at Drake at 11:15 am, in time to empty Meghan’s room before her scheduled checkout time of 11:45.

The Sigma Chi House

However, due to the fact that we are bringing furniture we are donating to the Sigma Chi Fraternity, of which Ryan is a member, our car is packed. Traveling with us are a recliner from our living room that will not be traveling to Taos with us, along with 11 stackable chairs from our group room,  two large soccer posters and the ski boots and equipment of Ashley, one of the students who accompanied us to Taos on Spring Break. Thus, we have nowhere to go with Meghan’s possessions. Our initial plan is remove them from her room and stack them by the curb. Meghan will then check out and I will stay with her things, while Terry runs over to pick up Ryan to drop off the furniture at the Fraternity House.

Unloading Furniture at Sigma Chi

However, finding ourselves arriving a half hour before Meghan’s checkout time, we decide to have Ryan meets us at the Sigma Chi house, unload the furniture and send Terry off to help Meg, while Ryan and I see about getting everything inside, then walking over to her dorm. What a trip!

Meg's stuff waiting to be loaded...

We all help to  load Meghan’s things in the car, and break down her lofted bed, then head over to  pick up all of Ryan’s worldly goods, except for the few things he will be leaving at the House, where he will come back to stay this summer. He accepted a job studying and analyzing watershed issues with the DNR for the summer. Not a bad deal. He will come to Manitowoc, make the big move with us, then fly back to Des Moines on Memorial Day to start work the following day.

Herein lies the problem. Ryan has been up all night finishing a take home final and has not packed. Nor has he rid his room/apartment of the trash or recycling  or vacuumed the floor as required. His checkout time is 12:15. We take a few loads down, then decide that as it is already 12:30 and neither of the kids have eaten (we ate breakfast a 4 am!), Meghan and I would walk over to Subway to get sandwiches and we would have lunch before completing our task. Three of us sit outside at a picnic table but Ryan eats while he works.

A well-packed vehicle!

After lunch, work begins in earnest. I haul out several bags of garbage and a half dozen bags and boxes of recycling from the pile in the corner, Meghan cleans the bathroom (sweet girl) and Ryan and Terry haul a load of stuff over to the fraternity house. We finally finish up and Ryan vacuums his carpet and checks out while Terry, Meghan and I run to gas up and drop off a large load of her clothes for Goodwill. As we return, I get an urgent email from Kaplan asking if I would be able to teach a new class starting Wednesday, Legal and Ethical Issues in Human Services. This will be just what I need to start getting settled in in Taos: interesting work.

We are finally packed and ready to head northeast at 2:47pm. It is a long drive back but we fill it with chatter and catching up with the kids about their semester and plans for the summer and the move. We arrive home after dark at nearly 10 pm to three puppies who are very happy to see us. They have been a bit skittish since we started packing boxes a month ago; I think they’re afraid we are going to move without them! Little do they know we wouldn’t dream of it!

Aug

26

This is Taos Mountain from our back porch. How can I not be there?

May

7

Smoky Mountains

“All children are artists.

The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

Pablo Picasso

Continuing on the discussion of our basic needs, which we started near the beginning of the blog and abandoned for other interests a few weeks back, I would like to pick up on the “C” or Creative needs that we all share. Human beings have a need to be creating on a regular basis. Most of us are not aware of this need and even fewer make it a regular practice.

Before you assume this is an impossible task, let me reassure you there are many different ways to be creative. Obviously the first things that leap to our minds seem impossible to accommodate in our only-too-busy lives: drawing, water color painting, playing a musical instrument and the like. These activities take a considerable amount of time, preparation and even space to accommodate on a regular basis.

However, there are far simpler ways to meet our creative needs. Obvious choices for many women tend to be craft or needlework projects that can be done in piecemeal fashion and as time allows. Cost of supplies is often minimal and skills are easily acquired.

Gardening is also very creative. Planning a garden, for either food or beauty, requires a certain amount of the artistry that Picasso discusses above. Also able to be done in bits and pieces as time allows, gardening can fit easily into most daily schedules.

Writing is creative as well. It matters not whether you are writing poetry, short stories, general fiction or simply journaling daily events for your eyes only, you are exercising your creativity when doing so. If you enjoy journaling, but feel like you can’t commit to a daily entry, not to worry. It need not be a daily event, but something you do at least once a week.

Other ways of expressing creativity include the way in which we decorate our house or apartment, how we dress ourselves or our children, the foods we make or bake for our families and many other tasks we undertake on a daily basis. For men, creativity abounds in woodworking or home remodeling projects and is often required in solving home repair or maintenance tasks.

Creativity, it seems, is easy to incorporate into our everyday lives and need not take up a great deal of time out of our day. Necessary to our health and well-being, easy to incorporate, inexpensive and helpful, let’s get our creative juices flowing. And, if you do have the time or inclination to paint watercolors or play music, go for it! It’s good for you!

Feb

17

Cross country ski trail

If you don’t move your body,

your brain thinks you’re dead

I found this quote on an affirmation card purchased from a website (www.hayhouse.com) that offers many varieties of such cards for the support and encouragement of individual change. Continuing on our theme of Basic Needs that we started with the last post, I would like to address “Physical” needs next and think this is an intriguing way to do so.

We have many different physical needs as human beings. Some of the most obvious are food, clothing, shelter, air and sleep. I like to tell my clients that they should think of their bodies as a vehicle to get them where they need to be and to care for it in much the same manner. If we put good rich fuel in our cars, they will perform at their optimum level. The same is true with our bodies.

We can fill up on junk food, but won’t get the same response as if we consume good nutritious fruits, vegetables and proteins, foods that are rich in the vitamins and minerals we need to function at our optimum level. Think of this when deciding on a meal or a snack. Ask the question, “Will this help me or hurt me?” when choosing what to eat. You may find that more often than not you will make healthier choices.

Sleep is another important physical need. The average person needs 7-8 hours of sleep every night to be at her best. While some get away with less than that and others need still more, most of us do reasonably well with that amount. It is easiest for your body when it can predict when it will get that rest. Your body will function best if you have a regular pattern of sleeping and waking times. Even in the event of a job loss or layoff, it is best if you go to bed at your regular time and rise at or near the time you would wake when working. This is especially true in times of stress, and isn’t the loss of a job a most stressful time? You will function better if your body gets its rest at, and for, the regular time.

But the physical need I want to focus on today is exercise. When I ask clients about this, many of them (especially the men) tell me “I get all the exercise I need at work!” While you may move around at work and be on your feel all day, you are not getting what you need or what I mean by exercise. You need to raise your heart rate so you are getting an aerobic workout and it must remain increased for a period of at least 20-25 minutes. The recommendation used to be that we do this 3-4 times per week. In the last few years, that recommendation by those in the know who study health and aging have increased that to 5-7 days per week, even for the average person.

This doesn’t mean you need to run every day for a half hour. You can achieve a sufficient increase in your heart rate simply by walking, but it needs to be just about daily and for about 30 minutes. If you don’t move regularly, your body begins to tighten up; muscles start to atrophy. We lose any conditioning we may have achieved previously. We will have more aches and pains and more physical problems if we are not moving regularly.

You will also find that this practice helps you mentally and emotionally as much as physically. When we are active, our brain releases endorphins—the “feel-good” chemicals that give us the sense that life is good and any challenges we face are manageable. In short, our mood tends to improve when we are working out.

And, if you need any inspiration, now is the perfect time to get inspired! Watching even one event or one night of the Olympic performances that are happening over the next two weeks can inspire even the most sluggish and lethargic of us. Most of us aren’t born with the natural ability and simply don’t have the training to perform at that level, but we can go out cross country skiing or snowshoeing or get ourselves out for a walk.

Who can help but be inspired when we hear the stories of these athletes who have put in many hours of practice and training for their two to four minutes or two to four hours of participating in the Olympic Games in hope of a medal? Stories like that can inspire each of us to heave ourselves off the couch and get out for a walk. What do you have to lose? As Nike says, “Just do it!”

Feb

12

A walk in the forest

“Nature abhors a vacuum,

and if I can only walk with sufficient carelessness

I am sure to be filled.”

Henry David Thoreau

In the first post on this blog, we discussed the importance of taking care of ourselves and finding ways to meet our needs. There are many different ways of talking about needs we all have as human beings, but my favorite format is the one below:

BASIC NEEDS:

Spiritual                        Physical

Social                                              Intellectual

Emotional                     Creative

“SPICES”

I like this format because it really covers the basics and is easy to remember. If you start if the upper left hand corner of the circle with “Spiritual”, the first letter of each “need” spells the word “spices”. That way, if you can remember the word “Spices”, you can take stock several times a week to make sure you are meeting each of your basic needs  without carrying around a piece of paper to remind you. You should be meeting each need at about the same level and doing something at least once a week (more depending on the need) to satisfy. It doesn’t matter how well you are meeting some of your needs, if you are not attending to all of them in some manner, you will still be out of balance and under stress.

In this blog I want to focus on the first, or spiritual, need. It is surprising to many that the need for spirituality is basic to all of us. This is essentially our need for connectedness; the need to feel connected to something greater than ourselves. Some call this a connection with God; others refer to it as a higher power. Still others just have a sense of that connectedness to all things, people or beings of any kind. However you define it, this need must be met regularly.

Many people find they are able to meet their spiritual need best by practicing some form of organized religion. Perhaps it is the religion and belief system they were raised with; perhaps it is the faith practiced by their partner or other love one. But for those persons, attending mass or church services helps them feel that connection.

Others have difficulty feeling connected this way in a cathedral filled with people. Church services may leave them feeling cold or personally unaffected. These persons must find another way to meet their spiritual need or suffer the consequences.

Luckily, there are many ways to satisfy this task. Some persons practice medication or some form of guided imagery. Yoga can be a spiritual practice, as can tai chi and other forms of meditative movement.  Still other persons find they feel spiritually connected through having some contact with nature. Walking through a forest, climbing a mountain peak, watching the snow fall or seeing waves crashing on a shore can instill a strong sense of connection with all of the earth.

My family and I are members of the Catholic faith. When we are at home, we attend church services at our parish on Sunday evenings. However, when we are traveling or spending time at our cabin, which is situated in the midst of a forest, it is the natural approach we take to our spirituality. In fact, many of our travels take place in our RV, which means that we are more often than not spending days and nights away from home surrounded by nature in one part of this country or another. We find that this fills us, as Thoreau indicates in the quote above.

If you are at a loss for how to meet your need for a spiritual connection, consider spending some time out in nature. Taking a walk in a nearby park or visiting a local lakeshore can suffice.  It needn’t be a long journey, this quest for connection, but when you are looking to expand your horizons a bit further, consider spending a night in a campground or national forest.

This does not have to be an expensive proposition or undertaking. In fact, it can be incredibly affordable. Tents can be rented or even purchased inexpensively and a campsite for an evening can run as little as $10. Your only other cost is your gasoline to get to your destination, which you may have anyway driving around town on the weekend.

But the peace you will achieve from your time away is priceless. We have stayed in some of the most beautiful natural surroundings that have found both peace and connectedness there. So whether you belong to and practice a form of organized religion, some other type of spiritual practice or have neglected your spiritual needs in recent weeks and months, any of us can benefit from being in nature.

If you are at a loss for where to start, I invite you to check out another blog to which I contribute: http://blog.woodalls.com.  Reading these entries will give you many ideas about where to go and what to do when you get there. Happy connecting!

Feb

7

“The ancestor of every action is a thought”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many clients who come into therapy believe that impulsive actions they take occur automatically, without choice on their part. If that were true, we would have no ability to make changes in our behavior. Likewise, when we believe this is the case, we give our power to change away to the winds of fate.

We have all known people who have made amazing changes in their lives, just through the process of deciding to do so: the friend who quit smoking, the relative who left an unhealthy relationship, the neighbor who quit using alcohol to excess. Perhaps we, ourselves, have made some amazing changes in our lives. These are just primary examples of what we know to be true.

Anything we do is preceded by a thought, which is the decision or impetus for the action. If I quit my job, I can let myself believe it was a spontaneous reaction to an unsatisfactory evaluation or criticism by my supervisor, but before I speak to my boss, I have entertained the thought of resigning.

This is true on a much smaller level as well. If I snap at my partner or child, I have had a thought that that response is necessary or appropriate. I can let myself believe I was just stressed and the reaction was spontaneous, but in reality it was based on a thought which led to and justified the behavior.

These thoughts can pass very quickly, with the speed of light, so fast that we may have no recollection of thinking them, especially if we are not aware of this process. But before they result in an action, the thought has inhabited your mind.

This is incredibly empowering information! This is the good news! This means that if we want to change our actions, we need only change our thoughts! If we believe we can accomplish something, we can. But if, on the other hand, we are certain we will fail, we will most certainly do that as well. Our future is in our hands! Or, in our thoughts!

Feb

2

2009Door County 007

Welcome to the Blue Waters Publications Blog! I am excited about this opportunity to share some thoughts with anyone who will read them and will attempt to provide information that is both interesting and helpful.

Helen Keller once said,

“Life is either a great adventure or it is nothing!”

As a writer and a therapist, I generally reach people one at a time. This blog is an opportunity to reach large numbers of people with information I consider essential and helpful for all of us to live life to the fullest. Join me as I embark on our new adventure!

As a therapist, I am a firm believer in self-care and that is typically the place I start with new clients. Very often we are unhappy, frustrated, lonely (fill in the blank here with any negative feeling or emotion) because our needs are not being met. But the primary responsibility for meeting those needs lies with us. It is not selfish or narcissistic to focus on your needs—just healthy.

Nor can you rely on a partner, friend, parent or pet to meet those needs for you. If you do you will end up disappointed and, most likely, alone. No, dear reader, the responsibility is yours and yours alone.

To that end, I hope to give you some ideas or options in the days and weeks to come to consider for how best to identify what you need and how to get those needs met. You are likely to read some things you may never have thought about or considered, and be faced with some ideas that may seem foreign or strange to you.

This exploration is a healthy thing, however. If I filled this blog with what you already knew or had heard 1000 times, I would be wasting your time. You are here for a challenge; something to help you push the envelope. Enjoy our adventure!