Taking down the sign

After we complete these tasks, it is off to Shopko for some toiletries for the kids and a Mother’s Day card for my mother. We make another trip to Good Will, pack a few more boxes at the house, then come back to the house for more packing. The kids decide to attend their last Masquer’s performance, The Sound of Music.

It is done

The next morning, Terry and I are up early packing as the kids sleep in. I spend several hours packing with a box perched on “my” chair in the dining room, before we need a break and run another load of stuff to Good Will. When we return, I notice a large bouquet of beautiful flowers on the dining room table in a vase, just inches from where I had been packing. Assuming the kids put them there while we were gone, I went upstairs to thank them. When I asked Ryan when they had put them on the table, he responded, “Last night when we came home!” Apparently I am not the most observant mom in the world!

Mother's Day Flowers and Cards

This will be our last (at least for the present time) Mother’s Day in Manitowoc. We plan to meet my mother, sister and her family for lunch at the Club Bilmar in the afternoon to celebrate the day. In addition to her card and gift, I give my mom a small Russian Sage plant. These bloom large and all summer and fall in Taos. They are prolific and just the sight of one makes me feel like I am there. I wanted to give her one to plant in her garden; a little piece of New Mexico to help her feel close to us. However, I am told in Wisconsin they do not bloom until fall, so all I can find are tiny seedlings. Still, much like our life in New Mexico, it will grow and take shape in time.

We return home and pack more, then decide to head to Luigis Italian Restaurant for a last meal there. Luigi’s has marked many celebrations in our family. It was where we held our 10 year anniversary celebration, first Communion luncheons for the kids, family graduations dinners before the actual graduation party and, last June, Kate and Nate’s rather hastily arranged bridal shower. It is only fitting that we find time to celebrate one more meal there.

Mother's Day Lunch

In the evening, we wind down and settle in, a bit uncomfortable in a home in which several key pieces of furniture have been removed and walls of boxes grace nearly every room. But happy we will all get to be here together for the last week once Kate arrives from California on Wednesday.

The Sigma Chi House

However, due to the fact that we are bringing furniture we are donating to the Sigma Chi Fraternity, of which Ryan is a member, our car is packed. Traveling with us are a recliner from our living room that will not be traveling to Taos with us, along with 11 stackable chairs from our group room,  two large soccer posters and the ski boots and equipment of Ashley, one of the students who accompanied us to Taos on Spring Break. Thus, we have nowhere to go with Meghan’s possessions. Our initial plan is remove them from her room and stack them by the curb. Meghan will then check out and I will stay with her things, while Terry runs over to pick up Ryan to drop off the furniture at the Fraternity House.

Unloading Furniture at Sigma Chi

However, finding ourselves arriving a half hour before Meghan’s checkout time, we decide to have Ryan meets us at the Sigma Chi house, unload the furniture and send Terry off to help Meg, while Ryan and I see about getting everything inside, then walking over to her dorm. What a trip!

Meg's stuff waiting to be loaded...

We all help to  load Meghan’s things in the car, and break down her lofted bed, then head over to  pick up all of Ryan’s worldly goods, except for the few things he will be leaving at the House, where he will come back to stay this summer. He accepted a job studying and analyzing watershed issues with the DNR for the summer. Not a bad deal. He will come to Manitowoc, make the big move with us, then fly back to Des Moines on Memorial Day to start work the following day.

Herein lies the problem. Ryan has been up all night finishing a take home final and has not packed. Nor has he rid his room/apartment of the trash or recycling  or vacuumed the floor as required. His checkout time is 12:15. We take a few loads down, then decide that as it is already 12:30 and neither of the kids have eaten (we ate breakfast a 4 am!), Meghan and I would walk over to Subway to get sandwiches and we would have lunch before completing our task. Three of us sit outside at a picnic table but Ryan eats while he works.

A well-packed vehicle!

After lunch, work begins in earnest. I haul out several bags of garbage and a half dozen bags and boxes of recycling from the pile in the corner, Meghan cleans the bathroom (sweet girl) and Ryan and Terry haul a load of stuff over to the fraternity house. We finally finish up and Ryan vacuums his carpet and checks out while Terry, Meghan and I run to gas up and drop off a large load of her clothes for Goodwill. As we return, I get an urgent email from Kaplan asking if I would be able to teach a new class starting Wednesday, Legal and Ethical Issues in Human Services. This will be just what I need to start getting settled in in Taos: interesting work.

We are finally packed and ready to head northeast at 2:47pm. It is a long drive back but we fill it with chatter and catching up with the kids about their semester and plans for the summer and the move. We arrive home after dark at nearly 10 pm to three puppies who are very happy to see us. They have been a bit skittish since we started packing boxes a month ago; I think they’re afraid we are going to move without them! Little do they know we wouldn’t dream of it!

The former Blue Waters Family Counseling, 2215 Washington Street, Manitowoc, WI

And so it begins…

Blue Waters Family Counseling held its final Peaceful Alternatives to Family Violence Group on April 24th and its final individual session on April 30th. Since that time we have been busy packing up the records and receipts that we must keep locked away in the basement of our cabin in the northwoods for the next few years.

Today, we took yet another step:
Much of the furniture has been moved out of the building by this evening. It has been dispersed to deserved and deserving individuals who were in need of it. There are still a few pieces left, but most is gone. Not everything went as planned, but we must remember:

“We cannot control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.”

There has been much “adjusting” going on in our lives of late.  And I am sure there is more to come…

Keep reading in the upcoming weeks and months as I will be sharing our progress (or lack thereof) and our adventures on our big move with all of you. Hopefully it will be entertaining for you; I know it will be good to have a place to vent!

http://blog.woodalls.com/2011/10/a-hike-on-a-sea-of-gold/

And remember to pray for serenity. For a slightly new and updated variation of the Serenity Prayer, here is one I’ve heard recently:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know…IT IS ME!

Because in truth, the only person we can change is ourselves!

Wishing you Peace…

is like letting someone live rent-free

in your head!

The best reason to forgive is for yourself. When you hold onto old hurts, nurse them and nurture them and refuse to let them go, the only person you are hurting is YOU! You feel weighted down with the negative feelings, sluggish and held back with the baggage you are dragging with you ever step of the way.

Let go and feel the renewed energy you have. Focus on something positive in your life. Choose to let go of that hurt; to forgive trespasses. Feel how much lighter it makes you feel!

Refuse to house any unwanted tenants in your head. Life is too short and precious to choose to be stuck in negativity. Embrace the positive! Enjoy!

In addition to that, our “baby” graduated from high school at the end of May, thereby ending our 12 year connection with the extended family of parochial high school parents. We became somewhat of a tight group, but both Terry and I are ready to move on.

Finally, last weekend, my oldest child, my sweet baby Kate, married the love of her life in the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen.  She looked like a princess and her groom, like the happiest man on earth. They are currently cruising Greek Isles to celebrate their new life together.

Soon, we will take our summer family vacation and when we return, our two youngest will head off to college; our baby for the first time. This will leave their father and I with an empty house, except for the three cocker spaniels that have wormed their way into my affections.

This has been a wonderful city, home and lifestyle in which to raise a family. But it has its limitations in what it offers the two of us who are left. We have found a place that fits us better and can now begin to make that transition.

Also, I was much more flexible and laid back before I became a parent. When Kate was born some 24+ years ago, all of a sudden I had to plan meals and prepare them on a somewhat consistent basis. That requires planning and grocery shopping and having things on hand to actually feed a child.

Now that our children are more able to fend for themselves and will mostly be fed outside of our home, I can save those planned, structured organized meals for the holidays or special occasions. I will welcome that bit of respite and the freedom it gives me to focus on other interests. I will miss my children  desperately, and will miss living with them on a daily basis, but I am looking forward to being a bit more flexible and laid back. I think it will be good for me, and for our relationship.

I have been called “Pollyanna” at times. But my focus on the positive is by choice. Rather than focus on how much I will miss the kids and the fact that I will have less contact with them, I choose to focus on the positive part of this transition: that is allows me to take the first step to my new life with Terry. I am looking forward…

To that end, this also marks a bit of a change in the structure of this blog. I am going to introduce more flexibility in it as well. Therefore, rather than adding a quote and a picture to every post, I will add those only as appropriate. At times, like tonite, you will hear my musings without quotes or photos. I welcome your thoughts, words of encouragement, and your sharing your own stories of transition and change as well. Please let me hear from you!

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

– Havelock Ellis

As we go through our lives, there comes a time when it is best to let go of something that has been a significant part of our existence. It may be a job that has created and supported our identity and our lifestyle; it may be a relationship that was a perfect fit for a time but is no more; it may be a home that has become too large or too small and is no longer “just right”; it may be a city or town that was a perfect fit for one part of our lives but has ceased to be as our needs have changed.

But change is uncertain, even terrifying at some level. The same is familiar and, while it may currently be unfulfilling, it is a known lack of fulfillment. We know what to expect and how to handle situations that arise. The temptation is to keep holding on, to stick like glue to the constancy of our existence, rather than take the risk of the unknown and let go.

At those times we hold ourselves back; we deny ourselves the opportunity to grow and to live life to the fullest. But holding on does not solve our dilemma; it leaves us feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied. We begin simply going through the motions of our lives without really living them, without being truly present in the moments we experience, simply existing.

I can feel the time is coming to begin letting go of something that had been a very important part of my life for over ten years now. It is no longer as fulfilling in many ways as it had been. Truth be told, I should probably have let it go a year or so ago, but I, like most people, tend to hold on until I am truly certain it is the correct decision and know what is coming next.

As I work up my courage for this parting, I am reminded of the very wise words of an unmarried acquaintance, also a therapist, with whom I shared a client early in my career. We were speaking on the phone about this client we had in common and she informed me that she would be leaving her practice. When I asked where she was going and what she would be doing, she responded, “I have no idea. Sometimes you have to eliminate something from your life to make room for something new. I am going to just take some time and give my new opportunities a chance to present themselves to me.”

WOW! I was immediately struck by two reactions: first, I was amazed at the amount of courage it took to take that step back and allow such a thing to happen and second, I immediately recognized the wisdom of her choice. As I prepare myself to take a similar step in my life, I can only attempt to keep myself open to the possibilities that present themselves to me and resist the temptation to settle for the first available situation, drawn by the comfort of eliminating the uncertainty in my life. I hope to keep watching for the best “open window”….for me.

“Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”

Robert Fulghum

This is a more personal post than some others in the past and it concerns balance; the art of juggling your various commitments, interests and relationships to the extent you are fulfilled and happy, but not overwhelmed and depleted. Here is my story:

You may have noticed that my most recent post prior to this one was dated December 30th, 2010. In preparation for publishing and releasing my most recent book, Blue Waters Reflections…Thoughts and Observations Designed to Enrich the Mind, Soothe the Soul and Nurture the Spirit, released January 2, 2011, I had put myself on a rather rigid schedule of writing and posting. Then, after completing all entries for the year, I spent some pretty intense days editing, arranging, organizing, formatting and uploading the material into book form.  After sleeping, eating and breathing publishing for that time, I needed a break.

Once it was uploaded to Amazon for Kindle and to our website for download, I simply shut down. I walked away from this blog as I had become, in many ways, consumed with it for the last part of 2010. I took the break I desperately needed.

I did not stop writing. I completed six posts a month for my Woodalls blog (http://blog.woodalls.com) but these are like a vacation. I write about camping and RV trips we have taken and it makes me feel like I am traveling all year long. I also started the process of preparing to publish a second edition of a previous book, Romancing the Web, which I hope to release in January, 2012. And I kept to my journal. What I needed the break from was this blog.

So I took my time away; I took care of myself, got involved in other things and focused on other interests. This brief hiatus was necessary to maintain the integrity of the blog. I could have put together a few half-hearted posts, but refused to post until I felt I had something helpful to share. This is that lesson:

We all have times when we feel overwhelmed and depleted, when we need to get away from the daily grind. When that happens, perhaps you can’t just walk away from your job or your family. I certainly didn’t. I maintained my regular work hours and my involvement with my family. But I took a break from one thing in my life that was contributing to my malaise: the blog. I took care to nurture myself. And I gave myself the time I needed to get ready to come back.

I’m refreshed, I’m ready and I’m back. My goal is to post at least every other week. But I am also willing to post less or more often if that is what I need at the time. That is the key to balance. Listening to your body and your soul and doing what they need at exactly that moment in time.

I challenge you to try this for yourself: at least once this week, pay attention to the messages you are getting from those sources and take some action to care for yourself and achieve that balance. Aren’t you at least as important as all of those other commitments you have made? And how do you expect to meet those commitments if you don’t take care of yourself first?

The answer is, you can’t. Take care of yourself so that you can care for those who are important to you. Enjoy your break. It’s good to be back!

Note: The photo that appears with this post not only reflects balance, but also is the cover photo from the Blue Waters Reflections book. That seemed appropriate on many levels. Thanks for your patience!  D

“If you don’t know where you are going

how can you expect to get there?”

Basil S. Walsh

Never having been a fan of the word “resolution,” which sounds too much like a demand or requirement, a family tradition has evolved over the years that leaves us with more positive and optimistic feelings. Each year we spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s up at our little cabin in the north woods. Over the last few days of the year, each of us is making a list of the things we have accomplished over the past twelve months and setting several goals for the New Year.

We compile these goals and achievements into a single document and then, after we eat dinner on New Year’s Eve, we sit in a circle in our sunroom, hopefully watching the snow gently falling on the white pines, and read them aloud in two parts. No one reads their own, however. Each child first reads the accomplishments of the next oldest child, then I read Terry’s and he reads those of our youngest child, who is now 18. The hope is that by reading achievements of someone slightly older but close in age, each will be inspired for the New Year.

Next we move on to the goals, in the same manner. It is always a pleasant and somewhat surprising experience to become aware of how many things each of us has accomplished over the past twelve months and encouraging and inspiring to hear what each hopes to achieve in the upcoming year. We generally finish the evening by playing board games, then watching the ball drop on Times’ Square. The tradition provides a nice closing touch to the old year and a hopeful start to the new one.

Achievements and goals vary from the practical and down-to-earth to those harder to quantify. What qualifies is up to the individual and his or her perceptions of what they feel good about and hope to achieve. One year a very practical achievement that was important to me was, “We now have only one baby in (cloth) diapers!” Other practical achievements have included “I worked out six days a week throughout the year” and “I dropped that last five pounds.” For the kids, achievements have included “Making the A Honor roll,” “Being selected for drumline in pep band,” “Getting a part in the play,” and “Being accepted to a college” of choice.

Goals for the New Year are often harder to measure. Some get added every year and become continuing goals for us to work on. One that has appeared for nearly 20 years is that of “Being good parents to our children, being gentle and understanding with them and imparting good values, helping them to become responsible and productive citizens of the world in which we live.” A bit lofty, perhaps, but a worthwhile objective nonetheless!

It does not matter what your goals and achievements are. What matters is that at some time during the year, be it New Year’s Eve as it is for us, or on your birthday or some other significant date, you sit down and take stock. You look to the past, then look to the future, seeing from whence you have come and setting your sights on where you want to go. Our quote above is true—we must know where we want to go to actually arrive there.

Remember, as Lewis Carroll said,

“If you don’t know where you’re going,

Any road will get you there.”

Rather, for each of you, my New Year’s wish or suggestion is, as Pamela Vaull Starr said rather eloquently, to

“Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul.

Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.”

So set your sights high, choose your path and proceed, full speed ahead! There may be challenges or impediments in your path, but you may surprise yourself and achieve some truly great and amazing things! What do you have to lose, other than the next twelve months of your life? Happy New Year!